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Sex
Topic Started: May 19 2016, 02:43 PM (5,462 Views)
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This is going to be a very broad topic, so I apologize in advance, but hopefully it might get some discussion going. Here are some questions to think about:

What do you consider an ideal amount of sex in a relationship? Do you think sex is important? If so, how important? If your partner has a lower sex drive than you (or vice versa) do you try to talk about it and work out some type of agreement? If your partner only wanted sex twice a week and you wanted it every day (or vice versa), what would you do? What would you do if you loved someone who couldn't please you? Which sex acts do you enjoy or hate?

Feel free to talk about other things if you want. These questions are just to get a thread going, but anything that falls under the umbrella of sex can be brought up.

For me, sex is important, but other aspects of the relationship--like trust, communication, loyalty, friendship, etc.--are more important. I have a relatively low sex drive, but I still need sex to feel loved and to make my partner feel loved. It's more about intimacy to me than it is about feeling good (although the feeling good thing is a bonus).
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Dankness Lava
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I wouldn't let sex be a domineering aspect in any relationship. It's a good thing, but it shouldn't be controlling any part of your life. I myself wonder why nobody bothers to practice self-control with sexual urges.
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Daemon Keido
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Sex is important in a relationship to me but having a healthy relationship we both enjoy matters most. Sex without that connection almost feels like a wasted effort, if it makes sense. Which is probably does to other monogamous people on the board.

Thankfully we have approximately the same sex drive so never had to worry about timing it to each other. When it felt right is frequent enough for the two of us.
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peep
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i think i have what people would consider a low sex drive, since i rarely want to have sex, but i can get easily aroused so if my partner wants to get it on then i'll probably oblige to keep them happy

if someone i loved couldnt sexually please me then idc, but im sure they would feel bad about it and i dont want them to feel bad about it so we'd try to work something out

ideal amount of sex for me would be doing it whenever we're in the mood. if some weeks we just do it once and other weeks we do it a dozen times, whatever

your last paragraph probably sums it up for me
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+ Pelador
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I have an addictive personality and sex falls into that aspect. I'm not saying I'm actually an addict but I do have a high sex drive. Having said that, I actually much prefer foreplay. That's where I get the biggest kick.

Of course moderation is important. Too much of anything is a bad thing. But if I'm in a long term relationship then I expect it regularly. At least once a day for me. I wouldn't end a relationship if my partner had less of a sex drive but I'd definitely start feeling frustrated if I couldn't get it as much as I needed it.


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* Mitas
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The ideal amount of sex in a relationship is an amount that both parties are happy with. If one person wants sex more than the other, that can be an issue, although how big of an issue depends on how important sex is to each party.. I personally don't place much importance on sex. I think my low sex drive is probably linked to my depression and being on anti-depressants, but I also don't like the pressures that come with it (although I have only been in a sexual relationship with one person, so those pressures may have just been a result of that relationship). I've found that I don't miss sex at all, but I do miss intimacy and companionship. All that being said, despite not placing a high importance on sex, I believe sexual compatibility is a very important factor in a working relationship. If you and your partner have contrasting sex drives, that's one area of your relationship which will always be a problem. Either the person with the high sex drive isn't having as much sex as they like, or the person with the low sex drive feels pressured into having sex when they don't want to. I definitely believe that you should talk about it, but I'm not sure a 'sex agreement' would work because creating a middle ground brings into play both possibilities in the previous sentence, rather than just one, leaving both partners unhappy.

So yeah, regardless of how important sex is, it's important to find a partner who can match your sex drive, be that high or low.
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peep
May 19 2016, 03:17 PM
i think i have what people would consider a low sex drive, since i rarely want to have sex, but i can get easily aroused so if my partner wants to get it on then i'll probably oblige to keep them happy

if someone i loved couldnt sexually please me then idc, but im sure they would feel bad about it and i dont want them to feel bad about it so we'd try to work something out

ideal amount of sex for me would be doing it whenever we're in the mood. if some weeks we just do it once and other weeks we do it a dozen times, whatever

your last paragraph probably sums it up for me
I'm pretty much the same. I don't have a very high sex drive, but if my partner gets me in the mood, I'm usually fine with having sex whenever they want. If it was an every day thing, though, that would probably be too much for me. Sex can sometimes feel like a chore to me when I'm not already in the mood. That has more to do with my sex drive than it does with my partner though, because that's always been the case regardless of who I'm dating or how long we've been together. I tend to enjoy sex more when I'm really in the mood from the beginning and initiate it, but unfortunately that rarely happens. I care more about pleasing my partner than I do about pleasing myself, so none of this is really a huge issue for me.

I have been on the opposite side of things too. When my ex and I started falling apart, we rarely had sex, and that really got to me. Like I said, I still need sex in order to feel loved because I crave that intimacy, so having sex so infrequently really messed me up. That's probably another reason why I try to have sex with my partner whenever they want it. I want to make them feel loved, too.

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+ Sandy Shore
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Whenever and wherever the other person is willing - and sometimes when they're not.
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+ Pyrus
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The ideal amount of sex can be nothing except whatever keeps both parties satisfied as far as I'm concerned.

My partner and I love sex, so we haven't run into the issue of one of us wanting it more than the other. As many rounds as we can fit into our schedule is how we operate. The constant sex is great for my cardio, and it gives me incentive to eat better (not that I eat bad now, but adding more fruits and veggies is what I mean). I'm not sure what I'd do if she suddenly decided she wanted sex once a week or something. I'd talk to her, of course, but if that didn't solve anything, I'd have to take more drastic measures.

I've been with quite a few girls that were rather dull in regards to this subject. They were either too vanilla (no oral/anal, always wants missionary, apparently terrified of semen), unwilling to compromise, or they hung it over my head to get what they wanted and/or keep me in line, which is a great way to get your partner to resent you. Being with someone that can't (or most of the time won't) please me is a huge buzzkill. It doesn't ruin my liking for them on an intellectual level, but it does make me feel a lot less attracted to them.

Off the top of my head, doing anything with bodily fluids (piss and the like) is on my forbidden list. No, thanks.
Edited by Pyrus, May 19 2016, 09:36 PM.
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Sky
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What do you consider an ideal amount of sex in a relationship?
An ideal amount... Hm... Very little.

Do you think sex is important? If so, how important?
I think sex is a very intimate act, but on my scale of importance it's far lower, below things such as honesty, respect, things like that. I can feel loved from just a hug, aha!

If your partner has a lower sex drive than you (or vice versa) do you try to talk about it and work out some type of agreement?
We'd definitely talk it out and work something out! I could never do it every night, not by a long shot... I have little to no sex drive, however I'd like to believe that we'd feel similarly about sex (AKA how it's more than just a physical action) and could meet a middle ground.

If your partner only wanted sex twice a week and you wanted it every day (or vice versa), what would you do?
Haha, everyday? That's funny... No way we'd be in a relationship.

What would you do if you loved someone who couldn't please you? Which sex acts do you enjoy or hate?
Haven't had sex yet, so I can't say but I will say that I am uncomfortable with every fetish I've come across so far (foot, BDSM, "Daddy", etc) so anything that falls under that catagory.

I feel I should mention that there will be no sex until after marriage for me, though my partner and I would definitely discuss expectations. I get that it's rare to find someone who shares those beliefs, but funnily enough I managed to meet someone and he is absolutely amazing so it isn't impossible. ;P
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+ Steve
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Greetings. I will be your waifu this season.

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What do you consider an ideal amount of sex in a relationship?


As said depends on the people but for me like every 3 days would probably be optimal.

Quote:
 
Do you think sex is important? If so, how important?


I'd say definitely, it helps keep two people close and to my mind separates them from just being friends. Being happy with each others personalities is great and all but to me sex is part of a deeper connection. (aside from with f*** buddies)

Quote:
 
If your partner has a lower sex drive than you (or vice versa) do you try to talk about it and work out some type of agreement? If your partner only wanted sex twice a week and you wanted it every day (or vice versa), what would you do? What would you do if you loved someone who couldn't please you?


I honestly struggle with this a lot because my sex drive is...insane really but between my girlfriend being on the pill, anti-depressants and generally not being that healthy her sex drive is almost non existent. Unless I "move things along" shall we say she only really wants it like once a month whereas if offered I could do like twice a day.

It bothers me but I know she's not just unhappy with me or anything, I think it's important two partners understand each other in this regard. She's not well is all, my dick can stop being a dick and wait for her to get the help she needs. It can be frustrating not getting that intimacy but masturbation should suffice really.

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Which sex acts do you enjoy or hate?


Haven't come across anything really, aside from the overly strenuous.
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+ QueenTD
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My Dear Melancholy,

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What do you consider an ideal amount of sex in a relationship?

A balance between what I want and what he want.

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Do you think sex is important? If so, how important?

YES! Maybe its how I was raised, I'm young, or the people I was around. But sex to me is important as it decreases my stress and typically boost my moral. Plus I normally have a high sex drive honestly so that's a factor as well. I'll rank it top 5 of things needed.
I typical do a sex type activity once a day, three times if we not busy. I might be cuffed but I'm still young and wanna have fun. With a girl (when my boyfriend allows) it's once a month maybe twice.
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If your partner has a lower sex drive than you (or vice versa) do you try to talk about it and work out some type of agreement?

When my sex drive dropped after my miscarriage, It was kinda like being a virgin in where I had to be "trained" to it. Like touching or foreplay. So I'm guessing if the situation was reverse I'll train him to help increase it. If nothing happens then we're just incompatible but probably good friends.

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What would you do if you loved someone who couldn't please you?

I'll do what most people forget to do and talk to them. As in I would tell him how I prefer and my boyfriend taught me a method that he uses that works mostly. If you're a man...and you're doing oral. Spell their name in cursive, a different language, or write the alphabet with your tongue. There's more but imma keep it moderately clean. So yeah I'll just help him out a little.

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Which sex acts do you enjoy or hate?

Without going into too much detail(I'm not sure what's pushing the curtain on this forum.). I enjoy oral, riding, doggy, use of food/sauces/candy, roleplay, sneaky, and kinky once in awhile.
Edited by QueenTD, May 20 2016, 02:53 AM.
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+ Pointer
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...

Doin it every day might be a bit too much, i think but it depends. For me sex is not that important, as you mentioned there are other things in a relationship which makes the whole thing even working. Sex is good but i can lessen the ammount of it if she demands that. Ultimately sex is just a bonus a really satisfying bonus
Edited by Pointer, May 20 2016, 07:19 AM.

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I typical do a sex type activity once a day, three times if we not busy. I might be cuffed but I'm still young and wanna have fun. With a girl (when my boyfriend allows) it's once a month maybe twice.

I'm confused as to how this relationship functions. No judgment obviously, just curiosity.
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+ QueenTD
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My Dear Melancholy,

ObsessiveFanGirl
May 20 2016, 02:27 PM
Quote:
 
I typical do a sex type activity once a day, three times if we not busy. I might be cuffed but I'm still young and wanna have fun. With a girl (when my boyfriend allows) it's once a month maybe twice.

I'm confused as to how this relationship functions. No judgment obviously, just curiosity.
It's not really swinging but think of it as a 3some but either he watches or can hear it. Occasionally participate. Usually one of us picks the girl. It's nothing complex. And isn't something that happens frequently.

5-6 years strong though :p
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